There is nothing more important than ending the increasing large number of suicides taking place amongst our teenage population. Here in the Kansas City area in just the past two years we’ve had more than 10 young people take their lives. The question has to be asked: What’s up with this?
The problem, in a word, is the STIGMA associated with mental illness.
All people are affected by the stigma, regardless of age. However, young people, it can be argued, are more sensitive to how they are perceived by others compared to people my age (67). By the time your hair turns gray, your ankles become hairless, and your ears seem to capture all of the missing hair from wherever in your body it has disappeared, you don’t seem to care very much about what others think of you. My 91 year-old uncle demonstrates this best: the man says everything that comes into his mind showing that any filter he may have had in his younger years has vanished. He tells waitresses when he thinks their skirts are too short that they should be fired; he screams at people walking too slowly in crosswalks; and he has no reservations at all when it comes to telling anyone favoring Trump “you’re an idiot and imbecile!” Whenever I ask him about his behavior, his standard answer is, “Screw ’em!”
Young people don’t have the same freedom. It seems at times their entire world revolves around what others think. Look at their dress…they all wear the “in” jeans, shirts, and dresses. Their language is indistinguishable between each other. Talk to a teenager and “dude”, “like”, and “certainly” will constitute at least 35% of every sentence they speak. They share a culture of how to treat adults, how to speak about their parents and teachers. In other words, they are predictable and conformists.
This creates a huge problem whenever one breaks from the herd. None of them wants to stick out in the crowd; being different is exposing yourself to discrimination, humiliation, and worse. And, unlike my uncle, being liked and accepted is arguably the most important necessary aspects of their lives.
As a result, young people hide their feelings and opinions, especially when they are “different”. The fear of breaking with the crowd, of losing the respect of their peer group prevents most teens from expressing themselves. To be honest with themselves is extremely difficult because it is dangerous. So, when a teen feels that something is going on with themselves, that something doesn’t seem right, that their sadness is different “this time”, they don’t examine the reasons. They don’t tell their parents (nobody talks to parents!), their teachers (are you kidding?), and of course not to their peers (really, really not cool!). Their feelings are kept to themselves, feelings that frankly, most young people don’t understand. “Why am I so sad, more so than ever before?”
When we don’t question new feelings, we end up living with them. And, in the case of mental illness (depression for sure), the disease only worsens without giving it our attention. The result is that young people’s disease worsens until the only escape is end of life.
How do we help our teens deal with mental illness?
First, we educate them. We teach them the difference between sadness and depression. We help them understand that depression is not a normal occurrence, and that it needs our attention. Teens need to learn that there are options including medications, therapy, and more.
Second, and this is perhaps the most important thing to be learned, their mental illness is not their fault! Mental illness is a brain disorder, a chemical imbalance. I live with depression, but I didn’t do anything to “catch” it…I was born with a brain that operates differently than others. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t manage my disease, because I can!
Third, those living with the disease need to speak out, to tell people that they have the problem, that it isn’t their fault, that they didn’t do anything to get it, and that with the proper help they can manage it and live successful, happy lives.
But, there is more. Regardless of how informed teens are about mental illness, they still have to live with the horrific stigma that exists. Educating themselves, taking care of themselves, and talking to others about their disease is important, but until the stigma reduces teens will have a difficult time living with a mental illness. It is a catch-22 situation where the stigma prevents teens from asking for help which only supports the stigma.
We adults can help. It‘s our responsibility to recognize the impact the stigma has on our young people and to do what we can to reduce it. If teens experience us standing up and speaking out; if they watch us educate others about mental illness; and if they see us living successful lives in spite of the disease then they can lean on us as the examples we should be. It takes courage to fight a stigma and it takes each of us working to end it.
We have to end the stigma. We’ve done it with cancer. We’ve come a long way with HIV/AIDS. It’s time to devote our efforts to mental illness. Our young people need our help. Let’s not let them down.