Contrary to the movie M*A*S*H’s hit song, Suicide Is Painless, it is anything but…
Lately, I’ve been speaking more often than I care to with parents and siblings of suicide victims, and a major theme is appearing: many of these youngsters who took their lives had been living with a mental illness for quite a while. I don’t know if this surprises you as much as it does me, as I always thought that among young people, suicide was more of an act in the moment. Things were going along okay when a boyfriend got dumped by his gal, and he overreacted…or a young lady was bullied when she entered a new school and became so distraught that she acted impulsively.
The truth is that many of the victims had been hurting for some time. Many had been in therapy, some on antidepressants when they decided that they had had enough. Most of the survivors I’ve spoken with knew their youngster was in trouble, but didn’t realize that a suicide was imminent. In several cases in fact, things seemed to be getting better…
Most of us who have lost someone to suicide agonize for the rest of our lives over what happened. We never stop thinking about what we could have/should have been able to do to prevent it, even though in truth we know that we probably did do all we could do, that in the end, we really were pretty helpless.
The question has to be asked: are we doing something wrong? Why can’t we help these youngsters, why can’t we get them to see that they have their entire lives in front of them, years and years in which things can and will change many times over?
We fail because mental health isn’t logical. We can’t outthink or out talk it. You see, it’s a biological issue. My brain is wired differently from yours. My chemicals are out of balance. That’s why medications can work…they address the chemical issues in my head. So, we take our medications (usually)…we try to keep our appointments with our therapists…but sometimes it still isn’t enough. Sometimes we just can’t get it together. And when we feel it falling apart, we can become ashamed and embarrassed. The stigma gets us. And so we don’t want to tell anyone that we’re losing it.
We need to end the stigma. We need to let people like me know that my disease isn’t my fault and that nobody thinks any less of me just because I have this illness. As soon as we do that we’ll take a huge step towards dealing effectively with suicides.
Let’s start today.